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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472754">Icarus Has Fallen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ich_bin_ein_stern/pseuds/ich_bin_ein_stern'>ich_bin_ein_stern</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I Just Really Love Haikyuu!! [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Tragedy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers Up to Ch388, Unrequited Love, no beta we die like men, one-sided pinning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:35:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ich_bin_ein_stern/pseuds/ich_bin_ein_stern</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata Shouyou falls down and doesn’t get back up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aone Takanobu &amp; Hinata Shouyou, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Brazilian Gang, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Hinata Natsu, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Hoshiumi Kourai, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Karasuno Volleyball Club, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I Just Really Love Haikyuu!! [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1007295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>613</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Icarus Has Fallen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A massive thank you to everyone in the Hinata’s Boyfriends discord server for encouraging me despite my ups and downs regarding this fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His descend happens slowly despite the cheering crowd and high-off-of-victory energy radiating from the Black Jackals. One moment, Hinata Shouyou is receiving hair ruffles and back pats and in the next moment, his teammates are scrambling for help when he falls unconscious in Bokuto's arms. No amount of shaking and desperate pleas resulted in the Jackals' number 21 opening his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Low, worried chatter fills the audience section.</p><p> </p><p>The world watches as Hinata Shouyou is lifted onto a stretcher by a pair of paramedics and rushed out of the gym. They watch as Kageyama Tobio chases after the stretcher without regard to his team, with Miya Atsumu hot on his trail. They watch as Bokuto Kotarou sits heavily on the bench and curls over himself as the Black Jackals captain, Meian, dismisses the swarming reporters.</p><p> </p><p>(Hinata Shouyou is pronounced dead before arriving at the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>His cause of death is not released to the public.</p><p> </p><p>A reporter manages to capture a picture of Kageyama Tobio dropping to his knees in shock when he arrives at the hospital a mere few minutes later.</p><p> </p><p>Miya Atsumu is not seen entering the hospital by reporters or hospital staff - his whereabouts remain unknown.)</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> "If you get boring, I'll drop you." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kenma has turned off all lights and muted all sound. In his pitch black room where only his quiet breathing is heard, he finds no comfort. He was watching the game, smiling when Shouyou scored a point or set for a teammate and laughing softly when he became frustrated with a smug Kageyama. The game was going so well. And when Shouyou had scored the winning point, Kenma had posted his joy on his Twitter.</p><p> </p><p>And when Shouyou collapsed in Bokuto's arms, his phone started blowing up with Twitter and YouTube notifications. Questions about why and how and what, and then he started receiving text messages from his PR manager, his mother, and Kuroo. 100s of text messages, 10s of 1000s of Twitter and YouTube notifications.</p><p> </p><p>And then he saw the announcement, regarding Shouyou, and an icy numbness settled on his skin.</p><p> </p><p>When his phone buzzed with incoming calls, over and over again, Kenma had flipped his phone over and ignored it. He had intended to livestream his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, but chooses to not do so. There is no way he can pretend to be okay in front of his audience and he knows he won't be able to handle the onslaught of comments asking about Shouyou or sending their prayers.</p><p> </p><p>The buzzing of his phone continued for hours upon hours until he snapped.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I came to cheer up a friend." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Damn it all.</p><p> </p><p>Within minutes, Kenma had deleted the Twitter app off his phone and disabled the YouTube app. He deleted message after message without bothering to read them, not caring who sent them or what they're about. Meetings can be rescheduled, promos can be adjusted, and the media can wait until further notice.</p><p> </p><p>Kuroo calls him once again.</p><p> </p><p>He answers.</p><p> </p><p>Just this one.</p><p> </p><p>"Kenma—”</p><p> </p><p>"I don't want to talk right now, or later. Please leave me alone."</p><p> </p><p>Silence, and then: "Okay. Try to get some sleep."</p><p> </p><p>There are no 'good-byes' between them before Kuroo hangs up. </p><p> </p><p>Kenma turned his phone off after that, berating himself silently for not doing so earlier. </p><p> </p><p>He needs to mourn on his own.</p><p> </p><p>He needs to—</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Shouyou. Stay interesting." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kenma doesn't understand how this could happen to someone like Shouyou, someone who exudes brightness and willingness to improve. And so, so much <em> life </em>. At this point in his young adult life, Shouyou had not only become one of his closest, most cherished friends but he was essentially a partner; his platonic soulmate. At one point, Kuroo had described them as "more than friends but less than lovers."</p><p> </p><p>He does love Shouyou.</p><p> </p><p>He—</p><p> </p><p>His eyes start to sting. </p><p> </p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma wipes at his eyes but the first sign of wetness has him lowering his hands and his shoulders shake. He had curled up on his bed, his blanket cocooning him in a poor attempt to protect him from the world beyond his overactive mind. Kenma has never felt more tired than he does now.</p><p> </p><p>He has never felt more sad and helpless than he does now. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Those shoes! Are those volleyball ones?!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "...ah, yes…" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I'm in the volleyball club too! I'm Hinata Shouyou!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "...I'm Kozume...Kenma…" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A part of Kenma wishes (so shamefully, and <em> so </em> sickeningly) that he never met Shouyou in the first place…</p><p> </p><p>...because then he wouldn't have to deal with this sort of heartache.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Aone cannot hear Futakuchi speaking in his put-upon calm voice over the blood roaring in his ears the moment Hinata is taken out of the stadium on a stretcher. He had shot to his feet and stood there, large and silent, trying to comprehend the emotions racing through his mind like a freight train. Aone remembers watching a game while in high school, remembers sitting in the Date Tech club room with his former teammates, and he remembers Hinata Shouyou going down during the Karasuno versus Komomedai game.</p><p> </p><p>He remembers watching Hinata get back up, a zoomed-in camera clearly showing his feverish face, to beg his team advisor and coach to keep him in the game. </p><p> </p><p>But he is ill and nobody can deny that.</p><p> </p><p>Watching him cry was even harder.</p><p> </p><p>Aone wanted to travel to Tokyo and see him in person, but was eventually talked out of it. It wasn't logical to rush there when—20 minutes later—Karasuno loses the match against Komomedai. Aone has always been more on the silent side, but he does voice his strong, high approving opinions of Hinata.</p><p> </p><p>Such a small boy then, but with a heart of gold and determination to match.</p><p> </p><p>To see him crumble hurt in a new kind of way.</p><p> </p><p>In his gut, Aone knows this is different.</p><p> </p><p>He feels commotion at his side and looks to see Futakuchi standing as well, face carefully neutral as he stares down at his phone. It is in that moment, as his heart plummets to his stomach, that there is no coming back from this. Futakuchi looks up at him and he knows that Aone knows. </p><p> </p><p>Neither of them speak.</p><p> </p><p>They don't have too.</p><p> </p><p>Staying silent, Futakuchi merely hands over his phone and then proceeds to run a hand through his hair. Aone watches him sit down and shake his head in disbelief. Aone looks down.</p><p> </p><p>[<b>BLACK JACKALS' MEMBER DIES IN ROUTE TO HOSPITAL, CAUSE OF DEATH UNKNOWN</b>]</p><p> </p><p>Aone is first filled with rage.</p><p> </p><p>They could have listed Hinata's name <em> properly </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And then he feels sad.</p><p> </p><p>Hinata is his <em> friend </em>.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want to leave?" </p><p> </p><p>Koganegawa is also here watching and he will likely know as well. Feelings are complicated for Aone. He rarely cries. His entire life is spent mostly tall, silent, and strong. But here, surrounding by the scattered chatter of unknown people who never knew Hinata on a personal level, he feels so small.</p><p> </p><p>Koganegawa would be in a similar boat.</p><p> </p><p>Aone inhales.</p><p> </p><p>For now, he will be strong.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Tomorrow, I'll stop you." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Aone wanted to play against Hinata again, to see how he had grown as a player from the knowledge and skill he gained during his stay in Brazil.</p><p> </p><p>That won't happen now.</p><p> </p><p>He lets Futakuchi lead him out of the gym, his phone clutched firmly in his hand.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “The excitement of our first nationals tournament. Our first time playing in the Tokyo Gymnasium. Going above and beyond to beat Inarizaki yesterday, then a grueling battle against Nekoma this morning. And all that followed by this game mere hours later.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> … </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Damnit! I’m just too used to seeing Hinata’s ridiculous stamina levels!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sugawara purses his lips, blinking rapidly up at the ceiling in a poor attempt to keep his tears at bay. To his right and bubbling over in a tear-filled rage is Tanaka, inconsolable by Kiyoko, and to his right, barely composed as he is, is Daichi. Asahi has long since begun crying when they received the horrific news from Ukai and Takeda. The two older adults had rushed out of the gym once Hinata was wheeled out and been given the news of his passing soon after.</p><p> </p><p>And then the notifications hit their phones.</p><p> </p><p>Takeda had all but broken down during their conversation before he is escorted away by a tired and sad Ukai. Suga felt shock at first, because if anyone...he'd never expected Hinata to be the one. Happy, hard-working Hinata. Then he felt immense pain in his heart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “We’re counting on you, Hinata! Make sure you get them back for all the times you get hit.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>They are no longer in high school, but Hinata will always be his beloved, excitable kouhai. "Suga-senpai" this and "Suga-senpai" that—he, a proud senpai to his hard-working, dream-achieving kouhai. He, a distraught senpai to his panicking, heartbroken kouhai.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of a phone goes off.</p><p> </p><p>It's Tanaka' phone.</p><p> </p><p>"It's Y-Yuu," Tanaka passes his phone to Kiyoko. "Please I-I can't. <em> I can't </em>." He curls up again and cries harder. Kiyoko looks at the phone in her hands with absolute horror.</p><p> </p><p>"Let me," Suga offers with his hand out before Daichi can. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoko hands the phone to him, still ringing persistently,  and backs away. Noya was particularly close to both her and Tanaka, he had been Tanaka's  best man and one of the ones to go with Kiyoko and Saeko for dress shopping. And all three of them have this special bond with Hinata.</p><p> </p><p>They all did.</p><p> </p><p>Suga accepts the call.</p><p> </p><p>"Ryuu, tell me it's not true. <em> Please </em>."</p><p> </p><p>"Noya...it's Suga."</p><p> </p><p>"S-Suga-senpai? It's not true, right? The news is lying. Shouyou is fine, right? Right?!"</p><p> </p><p>"Noya…I—" Suga hears a sharp inhale over the phone, the sound of choked coughing, and closes his eyes. "It happened so fast," he whispers.</p><p> </p><p>Noya sobs. "Oh God...oh God, oh God, oh <em> God </em>." His voice cracks over the phone. "Please, no. Please. We were just talking yesterday! Yesterday! He never said anything about feeling s-sick or-or-or hurt!"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry," Suga tells him, his own tears trailing hot down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh God, oh God—"</p><p> </p><p>The line goes dead.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’m gonna’ go find stronger opponents!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Just make sure you’re home in time for dinner!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Suga pulls the phone away, fingers trembling as he swipes away the phone app, and proceeds to cover his eyes with one hand. A hand appears on his shoulder, startling him, and when he turns around he all but crumbles into Daichi's open arms. Asahi joins them, hair a mess from tugging and face dripping with tears.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’ll make the blockers notice me…!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Sure sounds like love.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tanaka Saeko joins them soon after and silently kneels before her brother to gather him, and Kiyoko, up in her arms.</p><p> </p><p>"It'll be okay, little brother. It'll be okay."</p><p> </p><p>If she were to repeat it over and over again, maybe a false sense of truth will come from it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Pedro doesn't understand at first. </p><p> </p><p>One minute, he sees Hinata cheering with his team after winning against the Schweiden Adlers, specifically that Kageyama fella, and in the next minute his friend and former roommate is being placed on a stretcher and rushed out of a crowded gym.</p><p> </p><p>The station broadcasting the game is jumping back and forth between zoom-ins of Black Jackals members' faces and sports commentators; there's panic and concern displayed.</p><p> </p><p>There's emphasis on Kageyama and Miya chasing after the paramedics with little regard to their respective teams. Pedro thinks he would also be racing after that stretcher, too, if he were there. Shouyou is his friend, his connector to meeting his gaming idol, an amazing player, and even more amazing guy.</p><p> </p><p>This doesn't seem fair.</p><p> </p><p>"—I see," the sports commentators' are seen taking up most of the screen, one with his face fallen and lips pursed. </p><p> </p><p>The second sports commentator pats his shoulder before straightening in his seat. </p><p> </p><p>"It is...with a heavy heart," the sports commentator pauses to clear his throat. "...with a heavy heart, we are informing our viewers of the passing of Hinata Shouyou."</p><p> </p><p>Pedro doesn't understand at first.</p><p> </p><p>(Nice does, her face grim and eyes glossy, and so does Heitor, who lowers his face into his hands.)</p><p> </p><p>"What does that mean?" Pedro asks. "Passing? Like, he passed out."</p><p> </p><p>Rubbing her swollen belly with a forceful calm, Nice only manages a head shake.</p><p> </p><p>"It means," Heitor stops to breathe in loudly and exhale just as loudly, "that Shouyou passed away. It means," he shares a look with his wife, "that Shouyou won't be coming back to visit."</p><p> </p><p>Pedro stares at him.</p><p> </p><p>Then he stares at Nice.</p><p> </p><p>"Shouyou won't be coming back…?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Good luck, Shouyou! I’ll watch all your games on the net, I promise!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Pedro gets it. </p><p> </p><p>Abruptly.</p><p> </p><p>He blinks rapidly when his eyes start to water.</p><p> </p><p>“What...do we do?”</p><p> </p><p>Nice struggles to get up, belly pressing harshly against the kitchen table, and refuses to take Heitor’s hand. She eventually succeeds and walks out of the room. The sounds of retching quickly follow and Heitor is out of the room in seconds. Pedro is left to sit there on his own, with his tears and racing mind.</p><p> </p><p>No comfort offered.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’m gonna’ win this match, watch Heitor get married...and then go back home to Japan!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Heitor enters the bathroom to see his wife dry heaving over the toilet, her face scrunched up in pain and skin a sickly pale shade. Her hair had fallen loose within her ponytail, probably from tugging or running her fingers through it. Heitor kneels at her side, his hand gently rubbing up and down her back.</p><p> </p><p>“We didn’t g-get to tell him the name we chose or-or send him the pictures!”</p><p> </p><p>Heitor blinks back his tears. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh-oh—” Nice dips her head down and vomits again. “Honey, make the pain—make it—” She can’t finish her sentence.</p><p> </p><p>He stays by his wife’s side for so long that when they finally return to the kitchen, Pedro is gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Ever since he partnered with you, Heitor’s seemed like he’s having so much more fun than before.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Lying in bed with her hand rubbing her belly, Nice contemplates if she and her husband should go check on Pedro in the morning. The poor kid...to lose a good friend in such a short period of time. And on national television. </p><p> </p><p>When Heitor exits the bathroom attached to their bed room, he lies next to her and pulls her close. He kisses her forehead and then falls into a fitful sleep.</p><p> </p><p>(Nice hopes that Shouyou felt no pain when he went.)</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tsukishima feels a numbness settle in his mind the moment the paramedics arrive. He hears Yamaguchi speaking rapidly at his left and feels Yachi clutching his arm on his right, crying. He hadn't even realized she moved positions to be on his other side.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "We're not hung up on winning or losing, so if it'll be troublesome for you guys to lose...how about we throw the game for you?" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>But Hinata won. He won against the Schweiden Adlers, against the king. </p><p> </p><p>What the absolute f—</p><p> </p><p>"This isn't right."</p><p> </p><p>Yachi presses her face into his arm.</p><p> </p><p>"This. Isn't. Right."</p><p> </p><p>The group chat had been filled with anticipation about the game and how they would celebrate, regardless of who won or lost, after. <em> They had plans to meet up after. </em>Tsukishima closes his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>This isn't right.</p><p> </p><p>"He was fine earlier," Yamaguchi states. "He told me he'd meet up with us after the game. He said he would. Hinata keeps his promises." </p><p> </p><p>"He walked out there full of confidence, believing he would win. There's no reason he'd—</p><p> </p><p>("'Do you need a reason to not want to lose?'" Hinata had asked him over half a decade ago.)</p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima pulls away from Yachi, feeling for her when her face crumbles even worse over the detachment, and stands up. A part of him wishes he shot to his feet and chased after Hinata the same way Kageyama and that Miya did, pushing aside people and racing without a care. Maybe he wouldn't feel like he just lost a significant part of his life right before his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>There's hustle and bustle around them, Tsukishima watches Bokuto remain unresponsive on the bench and he had seen his former high school coach and team advisor rush off soon after. Tsukishima recalls the last game Karasuno played at nationals during his first year. He remembers a sick—but determined—Hinata refusing to back down and pleading to keep playing, but eventually having sense placed into his mind by their teacher advisor (because he so desperately needed it) so he wouldn't push himself to death.</p><p> </p><p><em> Volleyball is fun</em>, Tsukishima thinks. <em> So it's not worth getting sick over or </em>—</p><p> </p><p>A high pitched wail escapes Yachi.</p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima jerks around, his heart pounding in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>He sees Yamaguchi clutching his phone, trembling and hunched over. Yachi is begging through barely understood sentences for this whole situation to be the result of a nightmare. They were all going to wake up and prepare for the game.</p><p> </p><p>He takes the phone.</p><p> </p><p>[<b>Black Jackals' Hinata Shouyou dies in transit to hospital, cause of death still unknown</b>]</p><p> </p><p>There's only a few lines to this article that discuss that, the preceding text is filled with fluff about the game.</p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima bites his bottom lip.</p><p> </p><p>He bites it hard enough to bleed.</p><p> </p><p>The pain keeps him grounded.</p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi looks up at him. "Tsuki, what do we <em> do </em>?"</p><p> </p><p>"We...leave. We go home and sleep this off."</p><p> </p><p>He saw his upperclassmen react, <em>heard</em> Tanaka over the crowd voicing his concern and heard the beginnings of his breakdown. They have received the news and are comforting each other, hopefully. Tsukishima forces himself to remain calm and collected. He will get Yamaguchi and Yachi out of the gym and home. </p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima will settle them in his guest room and then get ready for bed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "That's right. Hinata got this as a souvenir for you! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I don't want it. Take it back." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "And he said to give it to you even after you said you didn't want it!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "..." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>If he needs to he'll cry when he's alone, he'll pick up medicine and tea for his friends, anything to relax them. Yachi looks well on her way to crying herself sick. Yamaguchi isn't doing much better.</p><p> </p><p>—<em> dying over </em>.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Oikawa did not find out until the following day when he woke up and noticed his teammates moving around him uneasily. He had headed to bed early the previous night after catching a cough. There had been several notifications on his phone when he woke up but he elected to ignore them until he got coffee in his system.</p><p> </p><p>He regrets it now.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa checks his texts from Iwa-chan and sees only one text. It's a link to an article where the only words listed in the link are "Fallen member of." He clicks on it and freezes. </p><p> </p><p>There are not enough words in his vocabulary to describe what he feels by the time he's finished reading. He had been keeping in contact with Shouyou, had been excited for him when he joined the Black Jackals, had told him to kick Tobio-chan's ass, and told him they'd made up one day so they could play again.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to play with Shouyou again.</p><p> </p><p>By God, he wanted to play <em> against </em> Shouyou again.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa is so grateful for what Shouyou did for him when they came across each other that fateful day in Rio. Playing beach volleyball was hard and he stumbled and the wind was against him, but it was also an amazing experience. It was definitely uplifting.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It reminds me that I forgot that volleyball is fun. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He had told Iwa-chan about their lunch and dinner dates, about how interesting it was to play with Shouyou, about how he relearned to love the sport that shaped his future. Iwa-chan had teased about a crush developing and about being replaced and that led to some playful chats but it was all in good fun. All the feelings that followed were pleasant and invigorating.</p><p> </p><p>And now all those memories seem tainted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Alright. Take care of yourself, Shrimp...Shouyou." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Yes sir! Thank you so much!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I'm feeling nice and recharged too...or more like that feeling of going back to being a beginner again, thanks for that. You're going back in two years, right?" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Yep!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "...I'm going to beat everyone. So be ready for it!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Yes sir!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I mean you too, so acted a little more scared. Anyway, see you later." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "See you!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>They essentially made a promise that day—his last day in Rio. To outsiders, they would only understand a challenge. But he and Shouyou knew what it meant, where that moment was meant to take them.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa ignores the rest of the texts sent his way and the other notifications on his phone to send Iwa-chan a reply.</p><p> </p><p>|keep me updated on any info released, pls|</p><p> </p><p>The response is immediate.</p><p> </p><p>|Of course.|</p><p> </p><p>And that is that.</p><p> </p><p>When his team gears up for practice, he joins them. They seem shocked and concerned that he's following after. Oikawa has a gut feeling that if Shouyou were here in person, he would tell him to go.</p><p> </p><p>So he goes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><em> Seven years...is a long time to wait for someone </em>, Hoshiumi thinks.</p><p> </p><p>In the midst of panic, he finds himself all but clinging to Ushijima as the volume spikes in the crowd and Kageyama races after Hinata with Atsumu right on his feet. There had been no hesitation on either part. He has always known there was something incredibly special between Kageyama and Hinata, something that caught his attention and produced jealousy on his part.</p><p> </p><p>Truth be told, he thought there was something special between himself and Hinata, too.</p><p> </p><p>Two smaller guys making it in the big leagues, one (he knows from the stories passed through the volleyball grapevine) who came from nothing—begging his teammate for tosses, sneaking into a training camp he had not been invited to, declaring himself "The Greatest Decoy," and more—and had to build himself up from scratch and the other, himself, who knew he would succeed because he said he would, because he's just that great of a player.</p><p> </p><p>Hoshiumi had known, back then when he first saw Hinata play, that Hinata would become this top, all around player that would have people begging him to be on their team. He thinks, if Hinata were on his team, they would be their own amazing duo. Something unique, or completely unoriginal to the masses. He also thinks, eyes on the floor, that he and Hinata could have been really great friends.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Hinata Shouyou. I'll be waiting for you!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Seven years. </p><p> </p><p>Seven goddamn years.</p><p> </p><p>Hoshiumi spent many days per week since that match in high school thinking about facing Hinata again. When Karasuno made it into the Top 3 in the nation during Hinata's third year, he had been ecstatic. Getting to that point in nationals is an amazing feat that very few schools achieve. Even then, Hinata's skill improved immensely.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I've been waiting for you, Hinata Shouyou! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then he heard that the hardheaded coach of Shiratorizawa was helping him get to Brazil to play beach volleyball of all things. </p><p> </p><p>It had been clear that he learned a lot just by the look he saw in Hinata's eyes.</p><p> </p><p>And when Hinata played, it was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>He looked so beautiful and so in his element.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> So why does it seem like it was all for nothing? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hoshiumi feels Ushijima move. This entire time, he hasn't spared much attention towards his tall teammate. Or to Romero, who recognized Hinata as this all amazing player his son wants to be like when he grows up. Ushijima stands there, face blank,  in the chaos of the court. He had been in his zone the whole game, mainly targeting Hinata and Sakusa, and didn't even blink when his team lost.</p><p> </p><p>He had accepted it.</p><p> </p><p>Hoshiumi would even go as far as to say he smiled briefly.</p><p> </p><p>And then Hinata collapsed in a dead faint, it had been said he wasn't breathing, and then he had been wheeled off. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you think he'll be okay?" </p><p> </p><p>Hoshiumi looks up. It isn't Ushijima who speaks but Romero, worry evident on his face.</p><p> </p><p>"I hope so."</p><p> </p><p>He learns later, as the Schweiden Adlers are packing up, that hope isn't always enough.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry to announce that...Hinata-san passed away." Captain Hirugami remains calm. "All games have been suspended for the time being." He seems to want to say much, much more but settles with: "Kageyama is taking some time for himself. Please only contact him if it is absolutely necessary."</p><p> </p><p>Hoshiumi wants to argue that they should be there for Kageyama but one look directed his way keeps the protest from escaping his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>When they step outside and see the flashing cameras, Hoshiumi breathes in deeply. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Until we meet again, Hinata Shouyou. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Osamu finds him holed up in <em> his </em>apartment, hours after the news is announced, drunk out of his mind and still drinking. Atsumu can only recall the open bottle being ripped out of his hands, being forced to take pain killers and down them with water, and placed in bed. Despite being two grown men in their early 20s, Osamu manages to get them relatively comfortable before Atsumu passes out.</p><p> </p><p>He has nightmares throughout the night, often waking in a cold sweat and asking what day it is. Osamu is calm, patient to his incoherent babbling, and talks him back to sleep successfully.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu is grateful for this anchor his brother has become.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I'm deeply moved, Shouyou-kun. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Some nightmares are words twisted into gruesome scenes. <em> Dead. Dying. Gone. </em>His head jerks this way and that, cracking his neck in his sleep. Sweat builds between his brows; he experiences heat flashes he later finds out. </p><p> </p><p>Years ago, when he first played Shouyou, he had felt invigorated by that sunny smile of his and that amazing stamina. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu tries to keep his nightmares in control.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks it didn't take long for him to be truly, deeply moved by Shouyou, he just didn't realize it yet.</p><p> </p><p>Truly.</p><p> </p><p>Deeply.</p><p> </p><p><em> Madly </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Years later, those feelings increased.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>” Shouyou...I’ll toss ya one of these days.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He's in love. </p><p> </p><p>(He had been in love for so long.)</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu had thrashed in his sleep, striking his brother multiple times but never struck back. Still, Osamu remains patient, spending most of the night awake to care for him. His sweaty face is <em> pat, pat, pat </em> away by a cool cloth. </p><p> </p><p>When morning arrives, he wakes up and stares at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>When Osamu asks him if he's hungry or wants to take a shower, he doesn't respond.</p><p> </p><p>When his phone buzzes—probably his team captain or one of his teammates—and Osamu picks it up, he rolls to his side so his back is facing his brother as he speaks to whoever is on the phone.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu remembers taking off after Tobio, no hesitation felt. He chased after that stretcher like his life depended on it, almost bumping into Tobio more than once and nearly stumbling over his feet. When they made it outside, both he and Tobio heard the soft spoken doubts from the paramedics.</p><p> </p><p>When he heard one of the paramedics' curse over Shouyou, like something was made worse to the already wrong situation, he stopped chasing after them.</p><p> </p><p>He stood there as Tobio flagged down a cap, didn't spare him a single glance, and hopped in.</p><p> </p><p>Rather than going back into the gymnasium to rejoin his team or collect his belongings, Atsumu turns and walks down the sidewalk. He lets his feet carry him somewhere safe. He needs to not be around people. He needs space and silence.</p><p> </p><p>It had not taken long for him to be standing outside Osamu's apartment. He stands there for a while until someone—the landlord—mistakes him for Osamu and let's him in his apartment. A tiny part of Atsumu thinks he should be concerned on his brother's behalf, but that disappears when he walks into the kitchen and raids his fridge.</p><p> </p><p>There's plenty of beer.</p><p> </p><p>Osamu is a social drinker and only keeps alcohol around when he's planning a get together.</p><p> </p><p><em> Thank God for your taste </em>, he thinks as he plucks multiple beers out of the fridge.</p><p> </p><p><em> "Tobio-kun. Wouldja mind not pickin' a fight with </em> my <em> wing spiker, hmmm?" </em></p><p> </p><p>He does what anyone would do in his position.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu drinks and cries and drinks some more. </p><p> </p><p>He drinks to forget today.</p><p> </p><p>He drinks to remember the day Shouyou walked into the gym for tryouts.</p><p> </p><p>He drinks to forget how Shouyou collapsed in Koutarou's arms.</p><p> </p><p>He drinks to remember when Shouyou set to him for the first time in an official game.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu drinks and cries and drinks some more.</p><p> </p><p>At some point, his vision starts to blur and his head starts to hurt. It takes him a while to recognize his mirror image in the form of his brother right in front of his face. He couldn't tell if Osamu is angry or disappointed, but he sure seemed upset when he yanked his newly opened beer out of his hand and replaced it with pain killers and water.</p><p> </p><p>How long had it been since he left the gym?</p><p> </p><p>It doesn't matter now.</p><p> </p><p>It's a new day and he feels completely dead in the heart.</p><p> </p><p>"You can't stay in bed forever," Osamu states quietly.</p><p> </p><p>A bitter laugh escapes Atsumu's mouth. "Sure as fuck can, 'Samu."</p><p> </p><p>"I won't let you."</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu snorts, unimpressed.</p><p> </p><p>He keeps his back to his brother as he thinks. His head hurts but not as bad as it could have been after waking up. His heart aches beyond belief and he wonders if Tobio's heart hurts just as much.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, 'Samu?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes?"</p><p> </p><p>"Looks like you'll be the happier one when we're on our deathbeds, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>"...'Tsumu—”</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu curls into himself. "I want to rest some more."</p><p> </p><p>He hears Osamu sigh, get up, and leave the room. The moment the door closes, Atsumu sniffles once, twice, and then buries his face into the pillow. He sobs and sobs until he passes out.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> "If you want to be the last one standing, become stronger!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama packs his backpack robotically. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I will keep bringing the ball to you, just trust me and jump!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Every now and then, he pauses to stare at his hands. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "As long as I'm here, you're invincible." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Trains back to <em> that </em> place continue to run until 11pm and he only has about an hour before he misses the final one for the night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I promise that I'll defeat you. Even if it takes me ten years, or twenty years. I will!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He has long since turned off his phone once he informed Captain Hirugami that he would be gone for as long as he's needed, not willing to argue if told 'no' nor elaborating.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Do your best jump, go as fast as you can, and fly." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When he is done, Kageyama spares his shared room with Ushijima a glance around before walking out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "'The setter’s the most dominant role! It’s the coolest!'" We’re not just gonna forget that you said all that. No matter how much you try to act like a Goody Two-Shoes, you’re a king deep down inside! Prepare yourself... From this day on you shall be known as... the new King of the Court!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama walks with purpose to the train station. If anyone recognizes him despite his ball cap and sunglasses, they keep it to himself. He won't be giving out autographs or taking pictures, to ask for them would be insensitive.</p><p> </p><p>In just under 10 minutes, he's one of the very few people sitting on a late night train heading to the place where it all began for him.</p><p> </p><p>For him and Hinata.</p><p> </p><p>He fights the urge to turn on his phone, even to just listen to music. </p><p> </p><p>While he thinks his teammates will respect his wishes, he's sure his upperclassmen and his friends have already bombarded his phone with worried texts and calls. If Kageyama's honest with himself, he doesn't think he'll be able to keep it together if he were to respond. He has not cried so far and he doesn't want to cry period.</p><p> </p><p>If he can help it...</p><p> </p><p>Not even when he arrived at the hospital and saw the white sheet that covered Hinata's—that covered Hinata. His knees lost feeling minutes after they hit the ground. He had been in utter disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>And he hated the sympathetic looks sent his way by onlookers and the paramedics. He hated it even more when multiple news stations showed up and started taking pictures of him. It was invasive. Disrespectful. Hinata didn't deserve this.</p><p> </p><p>He had snapped at a reporter who shoved their microphone in his face.</p><p> </p><p>"Can't you see he's dead?! Leave me alone!"</p><p> </p><p>His eyes did sting, but no tears fell.</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama remembers shoving his way through those reporters.</p><p> </p><p>To hell with good reputations. </p><p> </p><p>His PR manager will have a field day tomorrow, but he won't be there to feel the heat. He'll be where he's needed. Maybe he'll call his sister later. Maybe not.</p><p> </p><p>He picks at a loose string of his shorts, his mind wanders.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "You can fly even higher." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hinata sprouted wings in every sense of the word.</p><p> </p><p>Before the world, he flew so high.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "See you later, Kageyama!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Yeah...see you later." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He flew too close to the sun.</p><p> </p><p>But to Hinata, this had all been worth it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I'm here!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "WELCOME HOME!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Took you long enough." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama falls asleep to the hum from lights above and dreams about Hinata's intensity and dedication, his ability to fly above everyone, and, most of all, his smile.</p><p> </p><p>Dread starts to Kageyama when he jerks awake as the train slows down. He looks outside and stares at the moon. It's barely peeking through dark clouds. When he steps off the train, he's greeted by cold, moist air. Kageyama pushes forward. </p><p> </p><p>It's probably close to 1am now.</p><p> </p><p>He isn't wearing the proper clothes for this weather but doesn't let that deter him from his steadfast location. He catches a cab and then walks the rest of the way. He walks so he can think about what he's going to say, the cold air helping him stay focused. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe he <em> should </em> call his sister despite how late it is?</p><p> </p><p>That thought is immediately vetoed when he quickly recalls her early morning clients.</p><p> </p><p>Soon, he comes upon the only place he could think to go.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "...The match. Seemed to end fast." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "I wanted to...play more." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama knocks and waits.</p><p> </p><p>He hears movement soon after. It's so silent all around that he actually hears the creak of the steps behind the door. He sees the light flip on.</p><p> </p><p><em> "...Y'know, Tobio...If you get really, </em> really <em> good, you'll get to play lots more games. The best players get to play lots and lots of volleyball. " </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "?!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The door unlocks and opens.</p><p> </p><p>"...Tobio-nii?"</p><p> </p><p>Natsu has red-rimmed eyes and dried tear tracks on her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>"Natsu, you don't just answer—”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "If you get really good…" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hinata's mother is, physically, a mess. Her hair is chaotic, like she kept tugging at it, and she looks incredibly tired; her clothes haphazard. It seemed that neither she nor her daughter had been sleeping well.</p><p> </p><p>"I had to come," he states firmly. "I-I had to, for him."</p><p> </p><p><em> "...I </em> promise <em> you…" </em></p><p> </p><p>Kageyama is already bending down when Natsu's face falls and she shoots forward into his open arms. It's at the sound of her wail that Kageyama finally loses control over his emotions. He holds her tight and shakes. His first sob causes Hinata's mother to step forward and wrap her thin arms around him, holding them (him) so tight and securely.</p><p> </p><p>Like his grandfather would.</p><p> </p><p><em> "...somebody who's </em> <em>even</em> better <em> will come and find you." </em></p><p> </p><p>They eventually maneuver into the house, where Natsu is clinging to him and he clings back—to her and her mother. His family away from family, to be embraced with a mother's love when needed and that of a little sister. Kageyama cries even more when he sits on the couch, they all do.</p><p> </p><p>A part of him hopes that Hinata will pop up around the corner and call him a 'crybaby.'</p><p> </p><p>Natsu, Kageyama notices as she drifts off to sleep at his side a while later, is wearing her brother's old Karasuno sweater. He smiles through his tears, just a bit. His own sweater was stuffed into his backpack. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry for showing up like this," Kageyama whispers when Hinata's mother returns with hot tea and a blanket.</p><p> </p><p>"You are <em> always </em> welcome here, Tobio. <em> Always </em>."</p><p> </p><p>"I—”</p><p> </p><p>"Shouyou told you you're always welcome here. That won't ever change."</p><p> </p><p>He sees Hinata when looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>They share the same eyes and nose.</p><p> </p><p>And the same smile, regardless of its degree.</p><p> </p><p>Except for their hair.</p><p> </p><p>He knows Hinata and his sister get their hair from their father.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you."</p><p> </p><p>With Natsu sleeping on the couch and the other couch too small for him to rest on, Kageyama (with the permission of Hinata's mother) makes his way upstairs to Hinata's room after she bids him 'good night.' He stands outside Hinata's room, hesitating. There are memories trapped behind that door, good ones, great ones. Probably bad ones.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs the doorknob, turns it slowly, pauses to inhale, and exhales to push the door open.</p><p> </p><p>Hinata's room has remained the same since he left Japan for his two years in Brazil. His bed, ever neat, still has some clothes folded on it from who knows when. There, on the desk next to his bed, are some old pictures from Karasuno. The one front and center is the one taken from their third year, a gift they each received from Yachi. </p><p> </p><p>Kageyama walks over and picks it up. There's a thin layer of dust on it, and that makes him feel worse. He uses the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe it away and stares at it as the frame glitters in the bit of moonlight coming in between the curtains.</p><p> </p><p>Hinata had been so excited for everyone as graduation approached. </p><p> </p><p>That last day they spent together in Karasuno's gym had been one of genuine reassurance.</p><p> </p><p><em>We said we'd meet again...and we did.</em> <em>It shouldn't have been the last time.</em></p><p> </p><p>Kageyama places the picture back on the desk.</p><p> </p><p>He looks around the room, spotting a volleyball and some old wristbands, but doesn't bother to pick them up. Rather, he throws his backpack onto the end of the bed and drops down. The sheets smell fresh. They smell like Hinata. </p><p> </p><p>Sleep must've claimed him because he awakes a few hours later to someone tugging at his hoodie.</p><p> </p><p>"Tobio-nii, can I sleep here?"</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama simply lifts up his arm, let's Natsu settle against him comfortably, and lowers his arm. He hears sniffling and holds her tightly all the while forcing himself to not cry. Natsu lost her brother yesterday but her brother away from home is here to stay as long as she needs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I'll be here for them, dumbass. I promise. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It storms for the remainder of the week.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you have the time, please leave me a comment with your thoughts! Feel free to engage in convo with me:</p><p>
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